sometimes you just have to go

Oppositional.
Argumentative.
Contrarian.
Passive-aggressive.

I am sure you have felt it. The person in the meeting who goes against everything you suggest. The person in your group activity that never seems to get your point of view. The person who stops talking when you enter the room or who sizes you up when you get there. You probably have a picture in your head of that person. Or maybe there are more than one.

Whether it is a need for control or a need to be right, these kind of folks can be annoying and sometimes even demoralizing. Contrary people can be exhausting and sometimes you have to decide what you want to do with that. If it is a work situation, obviously not everyone can get up and go and to be honest, in a work environment, you will probably have alot of that. You might just have to grin and bear it because you need that check. But if you believe the person is fairly reasonable at some level, have a talk. Ask, "is there a reason why you are always the contrary conversationalist?" You will be surprised of what people confess to. Some share about their family background where their voice was never heard and they will be damned if they don't raise it now with anyone on anything. Some will even say they did not realize they were doing that. But it is your call how you want to handle that kind of person at work. Worst case, you can try to avoid them. But what happens when this kind of person is in something you belong to for personal development, socialization or philanthropic reasons.

Here you still have a choice but you have more room to make it and you can weigh it against the things that matter to you other than money to pay your bills! Thank God. Here's what I think:

• If you feel that nothing seems to get done because this person is always contra-YOU, you just might have to go.
  
• If every time you suggest something this person nixes your idea, you just might have to go.
  
• If every time you are around the person you feel that there is some passive-aggressive vibe that you can't put your finger on, you just might have to go.
  

Why do I suggest this? Not because in real life you should run from everyone who opposes you or your ideas. But because if it is constant, it very well may be something deeper and unless you want to spend the time hashing that out, you can find healthier environments where what you bring to the table can be better utilized. I also suggest this because life is simply too short. You joined whatever it is you joined to grow, to give back and to (fill in the blank) but if along with the contra-attitude you don't feel comfortable anymore, your contributions don't feel valued, why stay?

There are enough places in this world that can make you feel inferior, unwanted and disliked and where you have no control of the situation i.e. work, etc. But when you can take control of the situation do so. Where you are celebrated is where you will grow. Where people make it a habit of checking themselves and their interactions with folks is where it is healthier. Go find people, places and spaces like that or create your own.

Yeah, sometimes you just have to go and guess what, you will thrive. Being around healthy people has a way of helping you bloom. Go. Find. Them.

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