​Seven Things I Would Tell My Younger Self

A ministry friend asked me yesterday to put a book list together for someone he cares about. A young emerging Latina leader. It got me thinking about what I would have loved to learn from someone when I was younger. You know, someone who was considered part of the OG (Old Guard) by the new generation and had been there and done most of that. However, yesterday was not the first time I thought seriously about giving back something to the younger generation. 
 
In the beginning of the year, through the preaching of my friend and cohort mate Richard Wilkerson at Trinity Church in Miami, I was challenged to consider that not only should everyone have a mentor but everyone should also be one to the emerging generation. Since that time, I just prayed, pondered and planned in my head how I would go about pouring into younger folks. I had not taken any action because after being in ministry for 28 years and transitioning out from a traditional pastoral role in a church to one of a community pastoral guide in a non-traditional faith community, I have been liking this season. Alot. 

Then a few weeks ago, my husband and I decided we would start attending a new church on Sundays. The pastor is not even 30 years old yet and my new church family are mostly millennials. A group of people that I have also been writing about due to the epidemic of churchlessness in America (you can find my writings on that on this site as well). It is very different for me, but in this latter half of my life, I want to be even more intentional than ever about purpose and legacy because let's be honest, I have less time ahead of me than I have behind me. 

So, with the request of my friend yesterday, I thought now would be a good a time as any to start with a simple post.  Please know that a given for a faith-based person is to stay connected to God (because I've learned that someone will always be a critic and wonder why I did not mention that). With that said, this is for you, young one. Seven things I would tell my younger self and all the emerging young men and women  (especially those contemplating ministry).  I hope it is helpful in some way.

1. Take the time to know your cultura. A lot of who you are is based on identity and your history and the history of your people. It matters. It matters because others in this racially torn world will try to erase your voice and tell you it does not matter. It matters because you like many others before you would be able to best speak on issues that impact your people. You won’t know the importance of issues, if you don’t know the importance of your people and how they have contributed to the development of a land some people think is just theirs.
2. Build your friendships and nurture amigas/os for the long term.  When you are young, you feel like you can handle everything on your own. That’s a lie. You can't. I mean, maybe you can but half of the fun in victories and half of the weight of the burdens you will carry are best shared with friends. We need friends. We need friends in every season of our life. BUT, you must choose wisely. Gravitating towards the popular people may make you feel like you are in the “in” crowd, but many of those popular people will not be loyal, honest, or  real friends. Learn how to be a friend and you will always have friends. I am not talking about those superficial ones either. You can feel great knowing everyone likes you and you have 1,000 friends but in reality you really only have acquaintances. Have some friends who know where the bodies are buried (I'm not advocating any violence but there will be days you think about it and your real close friends will be the ones you can vent with and they will  keep you from jail time). Kidding. No not kidding. 
3. There is no such thing as a perfect anything. When we are young, we are looking for perfection in others (although, we may not realize it) without too much reflection on how we, ourselves, do not meet the mark either. Know what you absolutely cannot be without and who you need to be surrounded by and that will help guide you but you will never find the perfect husband/wife, church, workplace, friends. That awareness and acknowledgement will save you much heartache (and loneliness) in life.
4. Not everything has to be a battle. Learn what fights to pick and when to let go. Life will always present situations where you will feel you have to stand up and fight. Not so. Some things are simply not worth the fight. People will love to see you get all worked up and then not be there for you in the fall out. Walk away more than you fight. 
5. Educate yourself to become necessary. Years ago, Dr. A. R. Bernard made that statement to a few of us that were organizing a major city-wide conference in his church. I never forgot. Education does not need to be formal to be useful to you. Whether it is reading a few books a year, attending seminars, workshops or conferences. Sometimes if you are anything like me, investing time in learning will look like getting another degree. Do whatever is best for the season you are in but never, ever put off learning because you think you know all there is to know. The moment you think like that, you have just shown how much you really don't know.  Education leads to new skills and new knowledge and we live in a knowledge society where people pay you for what you know (well, sometimes). Be a resource to people. Be a sharer of information. You will be valued.
6. Find a mentor, coach and/or sponsor. Mentors to me are people who let you walk alongside them and show you their daily life as you work in ministry or in the workplace. Coaches help you focus on a specific area in your life, business or ministry and works with you until you achieve your goal in that area. Sponsors open doors by introducing you to new networks, advocates for you when you are not around inside the organization and outside and when they see an opportunity that fits you, they make the connection for you.  All are needed in your life and the younger you are when you find them, the better for you it will be.
7. Most things are temporary. Don’t attach yourself to a person, a team, a ministry, a church. As you grow and evolve you will sometimes outgrow all of them. Sometimes they will outgrow you. Outgrowing people, places, things means leaving. Either you leave or you are left. Being left or deciding to leave is not always a negative experience either. It is all in how it is handled. But alas, sometimes it is. Sometime people will betray you, some will use you, some will act as if they never received good from you in word or deed. When the pain comes, because it will, remember that you are to move on anyway. If you prepare now for that, you will be ready when it happens. The day will come when you no longer feel the pain but you will always remember the lesson. Hopefully. 

Finally, there are some things I think an emerging leader should read. Things that help a person learn their history (I came from a Latinx perspective), manage themselves and help make them a great (not toxic) leader. My list is here.

We have three months until the end of the year, start thinking about how you want to spend these last few months, what you need to do, who do you need to have or remove in your life and what environment do you need to be in to grow personally, spiritually and professionally?  You will enter 2018 better for it.

Now tell me, what would you tell your younger self? Let's all share our life lessons. The younger ones don't have to experience the bumps and bruises we did just because the ones before us never felt the need to look back to give back. Let's not be those people. 

(If you found this helpful, feel free to share on FB or Twitter). Thank you.